Hello friends and family,
I have been contemplating the love of God for many weeks now–and, if we´re being technical, hopefully I have all my life–but for me at this point on my mission, I am realizing just how… undescribeable that love really is.
We have a Father in the Heavens who loves us. That love works through us without much effort on our part. It flows through us so perfectly, so innately, so immediately, that it is always there. We do not have to earn it and we will never ever become separated from it: it is such an innate essence of our souls, our body and our spirit. Our Father in Heaven, our God, our Creator, love us more than we can understand. Believe me, I have tried many times this week to speak my feelings, to describe the feeling of wonder I receive as I think about this love. We are only human; we cannot understand on the Godly level what this love really is and what it is capable of.
We are children of our Father in Heaven. That automatically creates love: children love their parents. As children of the Most High God, we are capable of love–which love He has. We might not understand so much the Godliness aspect of the Eternal Progression we will all make, but while we are here on Earth with other children of God, we can exercise our love for them as we come to realize how much love we have for God. I have been recognizing in my life how much my love for God has grown in these past 10 months in Belgium/the Netherlands. There is so much that we do not understand and as we come to understand more and more, we come to realize we have only tapped the surface surrounding a deep and beautiful and glorious concept that is eternal love and happiness. I study about the love from God and I study about the love for God. I study about purity of heart and how I can come to be pure. I study about humility, how it is a vital part of becoming a pure soul. I study trust, which is a very deep, deep love and a solidified faith in God, the Father, and His Son Jesus Christ. I study happiness, which is brought by studying and living the word of scripture and the commandments given by God. I study these simple values that I wish to build in myself and I realize that without Love, none of them would be possible. I study grace that comes through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I strive to use this grace, this power, this strength, to move and work and act in the name of my Lord every day. I need to understand love above all these things, and as I do, the others will come along after and then the cycle begins. Each of these intertwine with the other. They work together. If I have one, I have many. If I have many, I can focus on one.
I will be in my beloved Zoetermeer this week Thursday for a zone conference at the church. I hope to see the temple, even just Angel Moroni if I stand on my tippytoes from Zegwaartsweg. I pray to feel that Spirit that I have always been so close to as I stand and walk and sit in the chapel there in that beautiful and very special city. I hope to feel Gods love for me as I pay close attention to my feelings from the conference. I hope to feel Gods love for His children here in Belgium and the Netherlands, I hope to find ways to improve and purify myself. I am not perfect. I have fears. I have weaknesses in abundance. I am not the best missionary in the mission and I am not the best person to ever live–and I don´t want to be that. I want to be me. Yes I´m weak, yes I have fears, yes I have shortcomings and I can´t please everyone.
But I try every day to follow the Spirit. I try oh so hard. I try so hard to follow my feelings. I try hard to speak this language. I try hard to speak to the people here. I try my best to follow the Savior.
He didn´t say it would be easy. I know I am trying and giving all that I can for this work, and even when Satan thinks he knows better, I am trying to internalize (spelling?) that this perfect love that I am studying can cast out all my fears, all my worries. His grace, oh I love grace, can help me everyday to have strength to overcome. I love that. 🙂